I Am Not My Body

Sometimes it can be really hard to find the motivation to feed your soul and to relish in positivity. This week has been a bit rough for me and I am really trying my best to stay focused on the present. Without going into too much detail…my struggle is that I have battled with digestion issues all my life…the most significant being a dairy intolerance. And just when I think that I have it all under control, something flares up again. I really struggle with not letting my body define me. But it’s DAMN hard. Especially when I sometimes feel that this is the way it will be for the rest of my life. I have so many food sensitivities and when I have been feeling really well for awhile…I begin to get cocky and start to fray from my restrictions…ever so slightly…and then BOOM…my intestines react in such a way as if I have sinned.

In order to try and take care of myself and really put my health first…I went from a full time position to a part time position last year, with the option of picking up extra shifts. I am so grateful that I am in a position in my life where I am able to do this. It has been a godsend…however the minute I begin exerting more energy than I have to expend…whether it is positive or negative energy…my body reacts again. My naturopath is great and he really tries to re-iterate to me that my body has been in this high tense mode for YEARS and that is all it knows…so it is no surprise that sometimes it just wants to repel back to familiarity. On the other hand…sometimes I feel like a warrior because even though I have been dealing with this shit all my life…I ALWAYS SURVIVE. It hasn’t broken me yet. I am a firm believer of the mind-body-soul connection and I am trying to figure out what it is that is misaligned in my thoughts…my beliefs…and in my life…what is it that is contributing to my ailments…

Since I had the day off…I thought about how I was going to feed my soul today. I spent the day lounging in my sweats, catching up on my PVR, writing, eating simply, enjoying a nice cup of bone broth to soothe my gut…and just conserving my energy. Feeding your soul is not always glamourous…and despite all this…I still was not feeling 100% by the end of the day…but I have to believe that I am the one that maintains control over my body and I love myself no matter what…

Even though my health may drastically change…I deeply love and accept myself. 

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