I’m making it official. I have been ghosted. 4 days after our first date. I am in a much better state than I was yesterday and have come to accept that I will never hear from him. While it still boggles my mind…I now have no more time or energy to waste on someone who has a complete disregard for the feelings of another human being. If you don’t know what ‘ghosted’ means and the psychological affects of such an action…check out this article at Psychology Today ‘This Is Why Ghosting Hurts So Much‘. I will NEVER know what happened and why he decided to just vanish off this planet…but it was a cowardly thing to do…actually it is referred to as ’emotional cruelty’ for a reason. I was distraught…not eating well…sleeping well…just feeling incredibly torn apart. I woke up this morning wondering how I was even going to get through the day. But after having several therapeutic conversations with my girlfriends…I have come to the conclusion that I had just been played. I ate up everything that he said to me…and it likely brought him immense pleasure…because he knew exactly what he was doing…and now he is onto the next swipe.
Being ghosted can make us feel like we did something wrong…and can wreak havoc on our self esteem. It was so incredibly painful to go through because you are powerless and have no information to emotionally process what has happened. I was not sure how long it was going to take me get over it. But it only took me 4 days. When I saw my doctor yesterday I even asked her for medication to help me feel more sane. In my 15+ years of having anxiety I have never been prescribed medication, but this time I was ready to ask. She validated my feelings, but also wrote me a prescription for Ativan. But I never took it.
I knew that I would move on from this eventually…because I am such a resilient person…and now I am laughing about it. I have been through so much shit with relationships that I know that I will always pull through. This was no different. I am feeling back to my normal self and ready to take my power back. I had drafted and re-drafted my final text message to him so that I could achieve closure on my end and stick it to him a little bit…but I decided against it. As Michelle Obama says: ‘When they go low, we go high’. I felt that he did not deserve a nice good bye from me…he could just Fuck. Right. Off. I deleted him from my Tinder, before he deleted me first, and I also deleted our text messages. I did not want any reminders of him. Period. I have become pretty good with cutting people out of my life if they are toxic. I joked with my friends that being played to this extent was actually a new experience for me…so clearly I had to experience this just so I could add it to my list. Oh universe…you slay me sometimes!
The positive that came out of this? I did have an incredible night…but it also gave me something to write about so I could express my creativity. Writing has always been something that I thought about doing…but just never really followed through with.
So thank you Mr. Italiano Tinder…for propelling me forward with my desire to write and the honour of allowing me to share with the world your cowardly acts.